depressed journal #5

It’s a dangerous affair, fighting with oneself… the question of to be or not to be. Then again a motivation but from where your motivation will come?? Movies… fighting with odds and a miracle… reading books… lines, words providing strength or music rejuvenating your senses… does all matters when you know no door, no window is open… then what you do....??

depressed journal #4

A short tale, it’s the story of day before yesterday, whole night she couldn’t sleep, waiting eagerly for a phone call, a confirmation! In the morning she couldn’t resist any more and wrote a text. Then another long wait for a reply. Finally her phone rang …the voice was similar the answer was similar only not her reaction…it drove her into the darkness…

depressed journal #3

With passing time you realize your value. Every moment lets you realize how hard it is to survive without work. Your parents, friends and everyone else start to lose hope on you and gradually become the subject of discussion and mockery. Your parents for whom you have high thoughts and respect you realize that it really doesn’t matter to them… now that you’re jobless you are a burden and you have to be shunted soon as possible. Wow. That’s the hard truth of life… for them you think hundred and one times whether to take the leap or not and they just casually expose their heart without even realizing your feelings. Life is a brute but now it has turned into a bitch…. and the way is shut…

depressed journal #2

The saga of pain and staying jobless only one can understand who has gone through it. Well I am not making it an excuse, like many people will say keep yourself motivated. That’s not an easy job fella…at least in this situation, where you know you have plenty of time to do dozen of things but your heart doesn’t support you neither you feel any urge. You know you can explore those areas where you haven’t thought or touched… but all you will feel is dumb at linger on your thoughts. You will feel more depressed as you know that will not help still there’s intoxication in depression. You hate your food, hate to sleep, hate to go out or talk to anyone all the time only one thought… work… job… after you read you may feel that I am a very depressed person and I need mental help… but trust once in life you have also passed through this moment and have felt the same as I am doing…. A person without a job is useless and becomes loner in the family, among friends and also in the world….

depressed journal #1

It is the story of that day, when I left my job and settled for some good. For a moment I felt happy, good and free as a bird. But with lingering time I realized I haven’t done a heroic job, rather I lost a good job which provided me a pay check every month for my survival. I argued with myself, how long I will be restrained in some name of creative work. They aren’t any work presentable… but the very next moment the dark part of my conscience spoke …. You are a fool and you have done a foolish job for the sake of doing good. Even the weather pries in my situation and showered vehemently. I came home dull faced, thinking what I should say to my parents…. my feet felt heavy as I was reaching nearer to home. Probably my mother will scream, father will be upset and why not… I lost an opportunity without getting another. I wished my parents don’t have to see my face, I wished for a lone home. As I entered the premises I saw my mother standing at the door, she was surprised to see me so early… I gave her the news. An instant shock and speechlessness… my father was having trouble too utter words. I looked and gave them false assurance saying I have bla..bla… interview. Stashed my bag and sat on my bed thinking now what?…What are the options I have now… for the past six months I have been trying to get jobs but found nothing and now the one which I had… I left for no good. I felt very angry at myself, felt like tearing myself into pieces… one by one everyone left home and I was alone. I had nothing to do, no work… tried to watch movies felt boring. The music didn’t soothe my ear neither books relaxed me. Darkness has fallen upon me for which I wasn’t prepared. I called a few people and got same answers… now there’s no point of remorse even the rain seemed to mock at me showing its valour. I was a fool… to leave my job… now I am jobless and alone…